I hate this time of year.
No really, the new year is full of positive thinking and optimistic outlooks, and I can’t do either. That, and friends being happy together and I can’t do that either.
The Year In Review 2010 can suck it was yet another of Cecily’s posts that, along with the comments, prompted a lot of thought and eventually got me writing this blog. (If you haven’t read her blog yet, go, now and read. She’s awesome and inspiring.)
There are so many reviews of the year with summaries of the most interesting/amusing/world shattering events and they tend to be of little real interest, used as fillers and of no substantial value whatsoever.
But how to describe the year in one word? Sum up the year with one overriding theme that is how you will remember 2010? Words used in the link include regret, hope, strength, despair, death, change, pain and stress with some very beautiful thoughts.
I had a veritable ‘annus horribilis’ that left me feeling that that for every step forward I took several back and am struggling to look forward to next year. It was the first year in decades that I haven’t gone away for a holiday at all and that was tough on all of us. Things happened that stopped me being able to move forward in the way I had started to, so my personal progress was put on hold and eventually started going backwards. And this of course helped drag the whole family backwards.
I feel that the dead weight of my past, if not shackles, is dragging me down and stopping me moving forward, whilst trying to wade through treacle simultaneously. Yes I know that’s mixing my metaphors.
Reading people talk about hope as the word for next year and their positive thoughts for what is to come made me realise how far I have to go in order to simply have positive thoughts about next year, let alone thinking about what I want to achieve in 2011. I don’t know how to think happy thoughts. Not and believe them at the same time.
So I reasoned, if I can’t have happy thoughts, then let’s make the best possible use of my unhappy thoughts and write them out here. So that’s why I’m here, and also why I’m here this week rather than at another time. Writing is not something that I feel confident in (will explain anon) but it is only going to improve if I try.