I’ve had a good week. In fact I’ve had 2 or 3 good weeks in a row, despite difficult events during that period.
So what constitutes a good week then? It’s about feeling positive, of not feeling overwhelmed when stuff happens but feeling that I can effect change rather than just react to events.
So why am I feeling positive? This is a key question as I am trying to enjoy feeling good, without worrying about whether I will wake up tomorrow feeling good. It may be transient but that’s not going to stop me from enjoying it.
Back to the question though. For much of the last four or five years I have relied quite heavily on two very good friends; friends who I could phone up and dump on, talk through issues and events of the day, both big and small. These two have supported me by listening, by not judging, by offering advice when they’ve had it to offer and quite simply, by being there. Without them, I really don’t know how I would have got through the last few years.
These two are still here and I still love them very much. That hasn’t changed. But what has is that I feel better supported through a wider number of people. Friendships with other parents at school have deepened and strengthened, as have friends from other circles of interest. It’s often difficult to talk to people about your own problems when you don’t feel they need to reciprocate as the relationship feels unequal, even if they are quite happy to listen. On the other hand, as you get to know people better you discover that their life isn’t quite as easy as you thought it was.
Twitter has been surprisingly wonderful too. I work from home which can sometimes be very lonely, although the short commute is brilliant. Now, if I run out of milk for my tea or have a lesser crisis, I can type it out, and get sympathy back instantly. This has been truly amazing in stopping my mood from turning downwards. It’s also a great arena for connecting with people purely on shared interests, rather than due to geographical location or other practical reasons. There is no instinctive judging of people by their looks, age, colour or other superficial differences although I do still judge people by their ability to type correct English.
So I feel that I have more people I can talk too. Some online, some ‘real’ friends, some people who I see daily. People who enjoy having conversations with me, without expecting me to be perfect. This has boosted my confidence enormously and enabled me to put my foot down a few times where previously I wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing so.
I am feeling better about being me and I thank you for it.