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It’s only Wednesday and I don’t seem to have achieved very much this week.

After last week’s counselling I have been thinking a lot about how I’m prevaricating in sessions and also in the real world. That, over the years, I’ve put aside thinking about me because I’ve been thinking about husband (now ex), child, partner (now ex), relationships (or lack of them), children, volunteering, working, even reading. All these rather than think about how I feel about stuff, for want of a better word.

This last year I have been concentrating on 2son. But I have also been hiding behind him, acknowledging that the progress I had been making has now halted and for the last year I have at best stagnated, at worst taken steps backwards.

I have previously acknowledged lack of progress but not that I was hiding behind 2son and that in itself is hard to say.

So the next question, amidst all the turmoil, anger, pain, frustration and hurt I’m feeling to/for 2son, how do I learn to set him and his issues aside and start to focus on me?

He drains my energy and the gradual decrease in behaviour in his 2 younger brothers contribute as well. How do I manage to set aside my fears and anxieties about all three of them and think about me instead? Where do I find the energy from?