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So it’s Monday evening and I’m in bed at half eight wondering what happened. I’m also wondering how I’m going to cope with this year considering I’m struggling at the start of the third week in.

I’m getting up 20 minutes earlier than I did last term. Which is not that much, but I used to have time to have a cup of tea and a quick read in peace while 3son and 4son also woke up gently. Now it’s half past six and I’m falling out of bed to get 3son ready and out the door by quarter past seven. After which I get 4son up and out. Once he’s out the door I get an hour and a half of peace before it’s time to start waking up 2son. Sometimes he wakes up the first time I tell him it’s time, other days he just won’t wake up at all and I spend all day running up and down stairs every half hour to get him up.

I’m tired. I’m completely exhausted. It’s now taking me a full 48 hours to recover from a late night and I don’t even mean one that lasts past midnight. I can barely do two evenings in a row out even if they’re short ones (quite a few evenings are work related rather than just for pleasure). So I’m not getting a break without feeling that I’m paying heavily for it.

And it’s only week 3. Out of 36.

3son is continuing his descent into teenage belligerence which, when coupled with 2son’s don’t care attitude, makes me want to strangle both of them.

And on top of looking after them I’m supposed to earn a living and run a household. And it’d be quite nice to have some time to sort my own shit out as well as everyone else’s. Oh, and have time to have some fun. And to be able to walk into a room without a smart arse comment from one of my children.

I don’t know how long this is going on for. I don’t expect 2son to be getting up every day without substantial help any time soon, and I know 3son and 4son are getting up separately for the next 2 years after which we can all get up at 6.30. Hooray!

I’m just so tired of all of this. And while it’s positive having CATE and a therapist for 2son there are no quick solutions and it’s hard enough being a bloody parent without all this to deal with as well.

I’ll muddle on through, I always do and I have no alternative. And in the meantime I’ll continue to feel miserable, fed up, isolated, trapped and totally helpless from time to time. I’ll have a jolly good cry, a good night’s sleep and feel better in the morning.

Hopefully.

 

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