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Wow, that’s the longest gap in posting since I started. I do apologise.

My mother and father passed on their cold to me, how kind, and I went down and down, eventually spending all of last week in bed before finally starting to mend. I very rarely get ill but I find that when I do get ill it tends to last longer and feel worse than it used to. I’ve had thoughts running around my head that should have appeared here but was in no way able to be coherent.

I met my new therapist today.

It’s bizarre, debating where to start. We talked a bit about what type of therapy (integrative) and whether it was in the client’s interest to know more about the whole process or whether it’s better to have no pre-conceptions. I do occasionally wonder about some study in this area but not very hard.

One session is hard to tell from but we got on quite well and I tried to explain where I was,  starting with the now rather than the then. It always seems to take a while to get going with someone new.

I talked about lack of self-esteem and how it was more than that, although I shied away from saying I hated myself. I talked about not being happy with the way I looked and that the lack of self-worth was stopping me from getting on and enjoying my life, as well as stopping me being able to manage exercise and food in order to look after myself.

I caught myself using exactly the same techniques I had been caught for using last year: avoiding eye contact and slowing down with my speech when it came to describing my feelings. I found this quite difficult to articulate and explain.

I only indirectly talked about my children which was good. I didn’t really want to as they take over so much of my life. 2son has stopped leaving the house again, not even to see his therapist although they do talk on the phone. We’re having battles over his hair and I’ve told him I’m going to hack it off with scissors while he’s asleep if he doesn’t let me help him look after it.

I’ve also ripped up the carpets downstairs (sitting room and study) which I’ve been meaning to do for years and even more so since 2son urinated all over it. We sand the floorboards next week and I’m deeply grateful for a friend’s offer of assistance as I would never have got round to doing it on my own.

My psoriasis has come back. After having lost a large patch on my knee this summer for the first time in years, I’ve broken out in little patches all over my body and on my ears which is most uncomfortable. I’m not surprised as I certainly feel more stressed again. Having 2son go backwards has really thrown me. He was doing quite well at the beginning of term but I think it was all too much too soon for him and he just stopped going to CATE before half term. I have no idea where we’re going with him and hope to have a team meeting before Christmas to discuss what’s going on.

The other three are mostly all right. 1son is enjoying college and work, although intends to complain that they’re not working hard enough on their course, which I find quite remarkable. 3son is absolutely loving secondary school, was very proud to come back with a bruised eye from standing up to a much older boy on the bus for trying to bully him. We all said well done. 4son has found it a little bit difficult being on his own in the park after school but seems to have adapted. They all get on top of each other that little bit more now than they used to which 3son does not help by his arrogance due to his perceived superiority as the only one in secondary school.

So there we go. I didn’t intend to come away from here for so long and did miss it. I’ve still got a cold and a developing cough and a need for sleep. Kids are OK more or less; I’m starting therapy again and going to see GP on Thursday. There’s more to tell but that sort of wraps it up for the moment.

Thanks for listening.