I appreciate most about myself, what exactly? My mind went blank when I first read this. What I appreciate most is that which makes me me. The choices I make that I know are mine: the books I choose to read and love, the music I enjoy most, the thoughts that are about what I think. I really hadn’t realised until recently how much this sort of freedom was lacking and how much I enjoy doing what I want, when I want it.
I am most confident about my organisational and administrative capability. I am logical and can be boring but that also means that I am ordered and don’t miss out steps. That just sounds so incredibly boring. But I get things done. I am not really happy that this is what springs to mind that I have confidence in to be frank. But I project manage, whether it’s at work or home and I don’t let things slide and that makes me very self-sufficient and independent.
I suppose I am also confident in my compassion, that I try to consider other people’s perspective and how they might be affected. It’s something I never saw in my father (he kicked dogs if they got near him) and had to work out forbmyself.
What is the first positive memory I have of myself? Early memories include a false one of me putting spoonfuls of sugar into bottles of home made beer; falling off the swing quite hard once, losing a red bag that I cried over; being scared to go upstairs on my own; falling off the edge of the bath and scaring my grandmother; sitting on the back step in the garden looking at the ants in the year of the drought (1976). Six years in that house and I struggle to think of a happy memory. I remember playing quietly by myself behind the sofa.
When I was five or six, my parents went out to their first posh dinner. I had no understanding of what it all meant but they were both quite excited about going to Mansion House to have dinner, along with a few hundred other people, with the Lord Mayor of London. I knew it was different from their normal evenings out because of the atmosphere of excitement and the care they took to dress.
I wanted to take part in this big adventure and so I did the only thing I could think of. I made a card for the Lord Mayor, saying something along the lines of “I hope you have a good evening” and I gave it to my father to deliver. But I did put it in an envelope and seal it and it shows a certain amount of trust that my father did deliver it. He said he’d given it to the Lord Mayor who was appreciative.
A few days later I received in the post a beautiful white envelope with the Lord Mayor’s emblem embossed in red on the back. Inside was a lovely letter along with a postcard signed and sealed by the Lord Mayor, with a little picture of a robin he’d drawn as it was his first name. If it wasn’t for the fact that it’s in the attic, I would show it to you.
I treasured that letter. I didn’t understand what his role was, and now that I do I wish it abolished, but I understood than an important person had taken the time to write little me a personal note, not just one dictated to a secretary. It made me feel that someone had appreciated what I had done and taken the time and trouble to craft a response. Maybe that care is what I responded to but it is my oldest keepsake.
Beautiful You, by Rosie Molinary is available at Amazon (click on the picture) and her website is Rosie Molinary