Those little voices come from my parents, saying “Why do you want to do that” and “You’ll never get anywhere while you haven’t…”, “don’t you want a career”, “why don’t you find a nice young man” (I don’t hear this one any more), or the absolute wonder from my mother “why don’t you find someone nice like your sister’s husband”, “you’d look better if you lost weight”.
These are the voices that I got from my parents growing up. By adulthood I had internalised them and had my own little version of their voices inside my head. To them I added the voices of my partners who always seemed puzzled whenever I tried to have a mind of my own.
My sister, she with the perfect husband, added her own little sneers, and it’s only in the last few years that I’ve really realised how much they contributed as well. I thought they didn’t matter but they did.
So what did I need to hear? Well, these are the things I say to my children, although maybe not in so many words:
I love you.
I want you to be happy.
I am always here for you.
No matter how angry you make me, no matter what you do, I will still love you.
I want you to think your own thoughts.
I want you to be your own person.
I want you to make your own decisions, good or bad.
You have your own independent personality and I love you for it.
You are special.
You are unique.
You can be whatever you want to be.
I will support and help you.
I like spending time with you.
Beautiful You, by Rosie Molinary is available at Amazon (click on the picture) and her website is Rosie Molinary