I’m lumping 27-30 together because, along with 26 they all form part of a whole. It’s not cheating, honest it isn’t.
26 was to end the rivalry, to stop comparing yourself with other people and to learn to be less critical.
27 was to quiet your critic, to stop that running commentary in my head when I go out and observe other people.
28 was to stop comparing and to think why I did (do) it.
29 was to speak positively about other people.
30 Name the Beautiful
I have friends who do things I can’t do and I can do things they can’t do. That doesn’t make one of us better than the other, it just means that we’re different, with different skill sets. The same applies just as much to personality traits. We have different characteristics and that is what makes us all interesting.
And yet I compare. The more I know someone the less I compare them.
So where is this coming from? My immediate response is, unsurprisingly, my father. He values people by what they can do intellectually and in their career; the “progress” they’ve made in their life. He also values women for looking ‘nice’. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him pass comment on another man’s looks. And yet, if I dressed up, there was always that feeling that I was dressing up for him, not because it gave me pleasure to look good but because it made me more valuable in his eyes, like polishing a necklace to make it sparkle. My mother though was always wonderful, always perfect, although on occasions she was more perfect than others. He appreciated her for her position as his wife and mother to his children. Maybe I’m being harsh but I recognised this dichotomy way before I understood it, instead I was just confused.
I decided a while ago to stop speaking negatively about people. I do try and not say things behind people’s back that I wouldn’t say to their face. I don’t always succeed but I am aware when I’m bitching. Like smiling, being nice to someone is so much easier than being vile and it makes me feel good as well. People are quite simply not nice enough to each other. I realise that’s a naive statement to make, but it doesn’t stop it from being true.
I try to remind people of their qualities, especially when they’re being critical of themselves as I know only too well what vicious feedback self-criticism can be, especially when it’s purely destructive.
So what I really need to pay attention to out of all this is the glancing judgement of passing strangers. It’s a thought I need to stop from forming.
Oh, and as for Naming the Beautiful, well BBF1 and BBF2, T, C, T, D, S, J and P for starters. And their beauty lies in their personalities and the quality of their hugs and smiles, along with the warmth and love I feel when I see them. I described them back in #13 Define Beautiful
Beautiful You, by Rosie Molinary, with 365 thoughts and challenges, is available at Amazon (click on the picture) and her website is Rosie Molinary