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It feels weird.

I have a house that is silent in the day time unless the phone rings. I haven’t even been playing music or radio during the day because there is no gaming noise to mute. I can listen to the silence.

I went up on Monday with 2son. Despite refusing to go out and buy shoes that he needed he actually had a bath and washed his hair and shaved on the morning. So not bad. We got to the school, found his room and he unpacked and put it all away. We had a quick look round his classroom and some of the places we hadn’t seen last time and that was it. We met half a dozen teachers and therapists as well as what seemed like another half a dozen day and night carers and workers.

He’s in a “house” which is a first floor above classrooms with around 4 other students, all of whom seem to play the same silly video games as he does so that’s a good introduction. He seems to be settling in well and I’m getting daily updates from his key worker as to how his life’s going. He seems quite happy and settled. Already.

My fear now is that we’ve only got four weeks funding. They may extend it for another 4 weeks or they may decide to fund it properly. In which case they were murmuring about why did he need 38 weeks rather than the full 52. I wouldn’t mind the conversation if I thought it was about anything but cost. My brilliant social worker is leaving at the beginning of August and I hope he’s going to find time to fight the next round of requests for funding.

Here I am, running away into the future. 2son has only been away two full days so far and I’m trying not to panic about what goes after. I’m certainly not being mindful and enjoying the present. But we know that 2son may have to come back after his four weeks because funding is not agreed and that would not be good for him or us. We all need to know.

In the meantime I’m trying to learn to enjoy the peace and quiet during the daytime without it feeling empty. I have a little bit more energy to spend with the other two and that’s good for them. I’m also putting my feet up and relaxing in the afternoon rather than trying to Get Things Done.

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