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​I’ve said it before and I’ll no doubt say it again. I’m tired. Tired of being pulled in several directions and tired of feeling responsible for everything. The best medicine for me right now would be a holiday ON MY OWN. But that isn’t going to happen.

4son, the baby of the family threw a strop this morning. Although he enjoys school, he has problems getting up in the morning. He says he doesn’t sleep well and hasn’t for a few years. There’s nothing wrong; he’s just not sleeping soundly. So the solution to that is to go to bed earlier, right? Except that if I’m at home I have to shout at him as he really doesn’t want to go to bed earlier than 3son, who has no problem getting up. If I’m out then neither of them go to bed until I return. Sunday before last I’m at home, they go to bed at a reasonable time, 4son doesn’t get up for school and sleeps in for a couple of hours. This Sunday I get home at half past ten, find them both still up and promptly send them to bed. 4son doesn’t get up in the morning, has a couple of hours lie in and then goes to school.

This morning, 4son leaps out of bed and then leaps back in it when I say he’s not playing on the computer this evening. He says the only reason to go to school is so that he can play on the computer later. Eventually we negotiate his punishment down to him not playing at the weekend and he gets up and goes to school. I feel that I’ve given in to blackmail but didn’t see any other way of getting him to school.

So this term I’ve been trying to not go out in the evening, or get home early or ring them up at bedtime. The latter doesn’t work as they say all the right things, put the phone down, and ignore them all. I’m therefore cutting out evening outings, the ones I have to do, the ones I ought to do and the ones I want to do. However if I don’t then my sanity starts to slip dangerously so I feel that I can’t win.

Getting up at half past six every morning is not my idea of fun either. The one saving grace this terms is that when all goes to plan, both 3son and 4son are out of the door by half past seven which means I can exercise, meditate, do three hours of work (ish) and be done by lunchtime. Sometimes I go back to bed for the afternoon, or the morning but I feel guilty about that. I should be able to manage to get through the day without going back to bed should I not?

I tend to do between 16 and 24 hours work a week, although that’s not all paid work and includes domestic paperwork as well as exercise. I feel that I’m not working hard enough and that I don’t take enough time off to relax. Yes I realise there’s a conflict.

After having totally cancelled family outings over the last couple of years, I pushed myself last week and booked taking them out this Saturday. Again, I feel the need to do this, both in order to do something as a family and for their cultural enrichment, but I also feel far too tired to bother.

I’m aware that some of my medication adds to feeling tired but also that it’s necessary. I’m also aware that I’m only getting six hours sleep, sometimes solid, sometimes not each night and that it’s not enough. I ought to be able to go back to sleep without feeling that it’s wrong but I don’t.

I thought this term, and future terms, would be easier with 2son away at school and no longer a stress (he’s doing fine by the way, more anon). I have 2 children at home, surely I can cope with them. Apparently not.

I have no real bright ideas on how to solve this. I can’t really take a break from work and the nature of it means that work just piles up in my absence so it adds to the stress.

I’m currently stressing about my health, my staying home-going out balance, my parent – adult balance, my work-relaxing balance and just about anything else I can think of.

​I’ve said it before and I’ll no doubt say it again. I’m tired. Tired of being pulled in several directions and tired of feeling responsible for everything. The best medicine for me right now would be a holiday ON MY OWN. But that isn’t going to happen.4son, the baby of the family threw a strop this morning. Although he enjoys school, he has problems getting up in the morning. He says he doesn’t sleep well and hasn’t for a few years. There’s nothing wrong; he’s just not sleeping soundly. So the solution to that is to go to bed earlier, right? Except that if I’m at home I have to shout at him as he really doesn’t want to go to bed earlier than 3son, who has no problem getting up. If I’m out then neither of them go to bed until I return. Sunday before last I’m at home, they go to bed at a reasonable time, 4son doesn’t get up for school and sleeps in for a couple of hours. This Sunday I get home at half past ten, find them both still up and promptly send them to bed. 4son doesn’t get up in the morning, has a couple of hours lie in and then goes to school.

This morning, 4son leaps out of bed and then leaps back in it when I say he’s not playing on the computer this evening. He says the only reason to go to school is so that he can play on the computer later. Eventually we negotiate his punishment down to him not playing at the weekend and he gets up and goes to school. I feel that I’ve given in to blackmail but didn’t see any other way of getting him to school.

So this term I’ve been trying to not go out in the evening, or get home early or ring them up at bedtime. The latter doesn’t work as they say all the right things, put the phone down, and ignore them all. I’m therefore cutting out evening outings, the ones I have to do, the ones I ought to do and the ones I want to do. However if I don’t then my sanity starts to slip dangerously so I feel that I can’t win.

Getting up at half past six every morning is not my idea of fun either. The one saving grace this terms is that when all goes to plan, both 3son and 4son are out of the door by half past seven which means I can exercise, meditate, do three hours of work (ish) and be done by lunchtime. Sometimes I go back to bed for the afternoon, or the morning but I feel guilty about that. I should be able to manage to get through the day without going back to bed should I not?

I tend to do between 16 and 24 hours work a week, although that’s not all paid work and includes domestic paperwork as well as exercise. I feel that I’m not working hard enough and that I don’t take enough time off to relax. Yes I realise there’s a conflict.

After having totally cancelled family outings over the last couple of years, I pushed myself last week and booked taking them out this Saturday. Again, I feel the need to do this, both in order to do something as a family and for their cultural enrichment, but I also feel far too tired to bother.

I’m aware that some of my medication adds to feeling tired but also that it’s necessary. I’m also aware that I’m only getting six hours sleep, sometimes solid, sometimes not each night and that it’s not enough. I ought to be able to go back to sleep without feeling that it’s wrong but I don’t.

I thought this term, and future terms, would be easier with 2son away at school and no longer a stress (he’s doing fine by the way, more anon). I have 2 children at home, surely I can cope with them. Apparently not.

I have no real bright ideas on how to solve this. I can’t really take a break from work and the nature of it means that work just piles up in my absence so it adds to the stress.

I’m currently stressing about my health, my staying home-going out balance, my parent – adult balance, my work-relaxing balance and just about anything else I can think of.I’ve said it before and I’ll no doubt say it again. I’m tired. Tired of being pulled in several directions and tired of feeling responsible for everything. The best medicine for me right now would be a holiday ON MY OWN. But that isn’t going to happen.

4son, the baby of the family threw a strop this morning. Although he enjoys school, he has problems getting up in the morning. He says he doesn’t sleep well and hasn’t for a few years. There’s nothing wrong; he’s just not sleeping soundly. So the solution to that is to go to bed earlier, right? Except that if I’m at home I have to shout at him as he really doesn’t want to go to bed earlier than 3son, who has no problem getting up. If I’m out then neither of them go to bed until I return. Sunday before last I’m at home, they go to bed at a reasonable time, 4son doesn’t get up for school and sleeps in for a couple of hours. This Sunday I get home at half past ten, find them both still up and promptly send them to bed. 4son doesn’t get up in the morning, has a couple of hours lie in and then goes to school.

This morning, 4son leaps out of bed and then leaps back in it when I say he’s not playing on the computer this evening. He says the only reason to go to school is so that he can play on the computer later. Eventually we negotiate his punishment down to him not playing at the weekend and he gets up and goes to school. I feel that I’ve given in to blackmail but didn’t see any other way of getting him to school.

So this term I’ve been trying to not go out in the evening, or get home early or ring them up at bedtime. The latter doesn’t work as they say all the right things, put the phone down, and ignore them all. I’m therefore cutting out evening outings, the ones I have to do, the ones I ought to do and the ones I want to do. However if I don’t then my sanity starts to slip dangerously so I feel that I can’t win.

Getting up at half past six every morning is not my idea of fun either. The one saving grace this terms is that when all goes to plan, both 3son and 4son are out of the door by half past seven which means I can exercise, meditate, do three hours of work (ish) and be done by lunchtime. Sometimes I go back to bed for the afternoon, or the morning but I feel guilty about that. I should be able to manage to get through the day without going back to bed should I not?

I tend to do between 16 and 24 hours work a week, although that’s not all paid work and includes domestic paperwork as well as exercise. I feel that I’m not working hard enough and that I don’t take enough time off to relax. Yes I realise there’s a conflict.

After having totally cancelled family outings over the last couple of years, I pushed myself last week and booked taking them out this Saturday. Again, I feel the need to do this, both in order to do something as a family and for their cultural enrichment, but I also feel far too tired to bother.

I’m aware that some of my medication adds to feeling tired but also that it’s necessary. I’m also aware that I’m only getting six hours sleep, sometimes solid, sometimes not each night and that it’s not enough. I ought to be able to go back to sleep without feeling that it’s wrong but I don’t.

I thought this term, and future terms, would be easier with 2son away at school and no longer a stress (he’s doing fine by the way, more anon). I have 2 children at home, surely I can cope with them. Apparently not.

I have no real bright ideas on how to solve this. I can’t really take a break from work and the nature of it means that work just piles up in my absence so it adds to the stress.

I’m currently stressing about my health, my staying home-going out balance, my parent – adult balance, my work-relaxing balance and just about anything else I can think of.​ I’m also finding it difficult not to blame myself.

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