A strange sense of contentment has reached me this week. I’m enjoying it.
We had a good Christmas. 1son and I spent several hours in the pub on Christmas Day which was great. I found myself in the same place on New Year’s Eve and had a fun time without wishing I was somewhere else. We actually totally vegetated for the whole fortnight not going out at all but not really falling out either. I didn’t have an attack of the miseries at all.
On Sunday and Monday night this week I found myself awake in the wee small hours of the morning not being able to sleep before we go back to school hours. Rather than worry about it, I thought I must get back into mindfulness and stop doing this. My brain continued to wander and I just let it rather than getting wound up. After all, I could go back to sleep in the daytime if I felt like it.
While I haven’t gone back to the confidence course books, I have been thinking over the holidays. (I also managed to read one proper intelligent fat book, which was the first time in a long while. And thoroughly enjoyed it.) I have been thinking mainly about how much better I really am doing than say ten years ago and it’s about time I acknowledged it.
I took a week off from exercise and then started again, even though I’d given myself permission not to. So I’m already a third of the way through.
I also realised that for the first time I genuinely was not wishing I was with a special someone. It’s hard, especially at Christmas and I’d find it a lot harder without 1son being brilliant but I didn’t feel any pangs. I even managed to watch a couple of soppy films without dissolving into tears afterwards wishing that was me. I’m being happy doing what I want and sleeping down the middle of the bed.
I’ve also met a lovely couple last year, instant BFFs and they have brightened my life up.
2son went back this morning and while I miss him i didn’t totally slump after he left. I slumped a little, granted but that’s normal and I moved on.
So today, in celebration of all this, I halved my anti-depressant medication. It might go back up in a couple of days and that’s fine, but I shall try it and see.
Goals for this half term (SMART ones!)
- carry on with exercise as before
- carry on one blog post a week on here
- carry on ten minutes meditation each school morning
- add full body mindfulness scan once a week
- add one chapter a night of a good book
- keep alcohol under 21 units (tough one this)
- go out with boys (just booked 1 film, 3 plays and 3 concerts)
This, not for the words but for the exuberance and joy (even if it all goes wrong).