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I hadn’t really noticed before. But I eat more.

I was quite pleased with myself before half term as I had noticed that six months (yay!) of continuous exercise, however minimal, had made a physical difference in me. Not just in my stamina and my ability to push myself in those exercises further, but also that my body was changing. There were less flabby bits on my arms and my thighs were tightening up. I could see the difference, even if they were invisible to everyone else. I even bought my first pair of proper trousers rather than joggings for several years.

Now, after a week of at home holiday I feel bloated and that my tummy bulge is larger. It probably isn’t, but what has that got to do with anything?

I eat more in the holidays. I’m not going out and having fantastic meals. I’m just eating more. More cheese, bigger portions, more meals a day. Less responsibility, less awareness, less mindfulness.

Why?

I’m doing less. I’m quite rightly trying to relax and spend no more than a couple of hours a day working. After all, I’m not on holiday. But I’m spending the rest of the time watching Netflix, vegetating and the odd book. I get irritated at my children for spending the entire week being fairly happy not moving from a screen and yet I’m doing the same.

I got as far as going to the cinema today all by myself to watch an 18 film. Hooray for me. I need to take the next step and, if I really cannot be bothered to drag the children out with me, must learn to go out myself without them and do things I want to do. I’ve been meaning to try and take Fridays off and do something with them and while I’ve managed frequently to not do much work, I just end up pottering around the house.

School days are rigidly organised with getting up, children to school, exercise, work, lunch, and so forth that I keep maintaining my energy and eat far more sensibly. It’s good to relax in the holidays but that doesn’t mean I can’t or shouldn’t go out.

We’ve all withdrawn over the past years but we cannot use 2son’s behaviour to justify continued withdrawal and lack of activity. It’s time to get out of our shell and if I’m not going to force the others to go out more I could start off with doing it myself, with putting me first and going out for the day for fun for me, without having to think about what they want.

I have to do it for me, before I can do it for them.

The food is just about being bored, stuck and feeling lethargic.

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