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I can start counting down the days till we go back to school now.

Christmas was fine: we got through without any real problems and 1son had bought so many presents that the others weren’t really bothered by how few I had. Since then they are all taking it in turns to stay up all night and I’ve just given up on trying, other than to shout at them for making noise when I want to to go to sleep.

I’ve hardly gone out of the house. I’m not in the mood for happy festive people so I’ve avoided all social activities, rather than making the best use of the holidays and lack of an alarm clock. I have watched so much film and television, none of it live, and I have turned into a couch potato. This combined with half a ton of cheese means I’ve put weight on.

I went to the doctor regarding my blood pressure medication to discover I had a temporary high reading, despite taking the medicine. Hopefully it was a once off but I’ll have to keep to keep taking my blood pressure. She asked me if I was in the right headspace to consider regular exercise and weight loss. I didn’t have the strength to discuss a HAES approach but said I wasn’t in the mood. We discussed that briefly but without it really going anywhere. I like the fact that she asked and then didn’t put any extra pressure trying to guilt trip me into saying I would try, when I know full well I won’t. This just feels so different from last year when I was a lot happier.

On a more positive note I had a great New Year’s Eve.  I would normally either go to the pub or just stay at home and ignore it but I went to a friend’s. Just the two of us and we just talked and talked for hours which was lovely. Her deepening friendship is one of the highlights of 2014.

Term starts on Monday, with my driving test in ten days. I have taken the fortnight off work, going several days at a time without even turning on my laptop. When I have I’ve just read through emails rather than actually doing any work.

I feel as if I’ve spent the last ten days just feeling sorry for myself. This is not where I want be, but it is where I am for now.

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