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After three weeks of chasing an ever-increasing number of people at the council they have finally more or less agreed to fund 2son through the summer after he returned to school. Final confirmation will wait until somebody returns from holiday on Monday. So it’s agreed, but we’ve been asked not to tell 2son until it’s agreed.

I resent bitterly the fact that people I’ve never met, whose names I barely know and whose titles I’m only vaguely aware of make such momentous decisions about our life. The people who do talk to me directly refer to them as “senior management” which couldn’t get much more faceless as a description.

It’s been a tough three weeks. I’ve had to dig my heels in and say phrases I don’t want to have to say.

He can’t come home.

I’ve had to repeat them over and over again. First they said that he could go back in September but would have to come home first. Since it is his named school in his statement that was actually a given, not that I knew that when they said it. The social worker offered to put support in place. I pointed out the last support worker came once and that was it and that 2son wouldn’t engage with anyone and in any case a regular visitor really wasn’t going to cut it.

He needs more care than I can give him.

Then they said he can’t go 52 weeks, instead of the 38 (term time only) that he has. Again what they don’t tell you is that once they’ve granted 52 weeks they can’t withdraw it so it would more or less guarantee funding for the next few years. I asked what was needed to make it 52 weeks. No reply. I asked whether an Educational Psychologist Assessment would be part of the assessment. Oh yes, that might help. The council said the school should do it. I said they might not be able to in the 7, 8 days left of term. Silence.

I can’t cope.

The stated reason for not previously having gone for 52 weeks when requested is the “fear of institutionalisation”. No more than that. No description of what exactly is feared or why they believe he will succumb to it or even what that means. Given the independence to make his own mind up and act independently, as he has done at home, he will do nothing. If being told what to do and having a routine he must follow with a reward/punishment system is what he needs, then if that means becoming institutionalised, bring it on.

I complained that no report from the CAMHS assessment done well over a month ago had not been forthcoming. They forgot to send me a copy, for which they apologised. The social worker hadn’t got his as it had been sent to the duty social worker so is probably sitting in a pile somewhere. The conclusion? 2son has no mental health disorder and is therefore not in need of CAMHS. The description of me makes my skin crawl; it sounds as if I can’t be bothered to try. The only positive outcome was that it says he needs a structured placement.

His brothers don’t want him at home.

When I told his brothers on Friday afternoon 3son asked me if I was excited. I said that I was relieved rather than excited but that I was sure it would come. Actually I just feel depressed (CAMHS would no doubt call it low mood). I have been wound up so tight these last few weeks and I can’t quite manage to relax yet. I need to wait for final confirmation on Monday and then start pushing for 52 weeks.

I also need to relax over the coming six weeks and remember to look after myself,and my other two sons. I know it’s the right decision but 2son would barely talk to me last week. I feel guilty although I know it is the right decision for all of us, even if he can’t see it and maybe never will. But it’s not nice.

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