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Yesterday,

I went to therapy. We discussed whether it was working and my ability to talk about anything bar what I needed to. My therapist isn’t pushy enough so we’re both going to have to work on this. Otherwise it’s not worth it.

I spent 3 hours, 3 hours of my life I will never get back, gathering the information and documentation that Housing Benefit require to check my claim. I kid you not, 3 fucking hours. I sent it in to find out that my council has outsourced benefits so it’s all being checked by some faceless, nameless (Liberata) company who is aiming to make a profit on my housing benefit and no doubt gets a bonus for every few people it chucks off housing benefit or any other benefit.

Plus I actually did some paid work as well, useful stuff that. Caught up on the latest episode of The Handmaid’s Tale which I think is one of the most powerful television series to have come out in years.

I also managed to make a 48 hours doctor’s appointment for today to discuss my trapped nerve which is completely buggering up my right arm even though it’s not as bad as it was a few weeks ago.

I even sent off 3son’s form for work experience which was getting more urgent as it takes place next week.

I got a relatively large payment from Tax Credit which means they’ve dealt with my claim for this year as it always gets held up because 2son is so special. That made me feel slightly less skint then I have been all year so far. Bills to pay and all that.

Today,

I woke up at 5am in pain, couldn’t get comfortable and barely drifted back off to sleep before the alarm went off so feeling grumpy.

3son hasn’t got up and hasn’t gone on his university open day because he’s too tired. Poor little lamb, I do worry about how he’s going to cope with being an adult and too tired not being deemed a satisfactory excuse. He’s been on fluoxetine for 3 weeks now and it should be balancing out. He’s got a medical review next week.

I also worry about whether he’s actually going to be able to apply to do any of these things he wishes to do post-school, whether it’s a degree or apprenticeship as he’s not motivated to do more than talk about them. The idea that he has to plan an open day visit, book into different groups/tours let alone find out what time, where and how to get there. All this is beyond him at the moment, as are most things it seems.

I’m still in pain and struggling to do any work, which is why I’ve diverted myself to write this. Typing doesn’t hurt, just mouse use. Learning to use a computer with minimal mouse use feels like taking massive retrograde steps and is an incredible learning curve. I’m feeling compassionate for those who have no choice but to use alternative access methods.

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