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This weekend,

That one last piece of work I had to finish took up half of Sunday. I didn’t get it done on Friday like I wanted.

1son came down on Friday to show 4son how to shave who had in fact already had a go and didn’t need it.

1son 3son and I went out to dinner in the evening and watched a very dysfunctional family who had come out for a nice family evening when no one wanted to be nice to each other. The teenager sulked; the father tried to insist on mobiles going away and the mother told him that if he couldn’t say anything that wasn’t vaguely critical then maybe he should keep quiet. In contrast the three of us were having a jolly time and I was thinking how weird it was considering how dysfunctional I consider our family to be and yet we were talking and laughing.

We were supposed to go on a university day trip on Saturday but 3son decided it was too much to get up early. I wasn’t complaining either and said I wasn’t going to drive to the one on Sunday either. I’m really not sure how much driving I can do with my arm hurting and didn’t want to get half way there and give up. We have another one booked for this Saturday which is closer and I’m still debating whether to book train or not.

So although I finished that piece of work at the weekend I didn’t do what we should have done. I’m worried about 3son who said he didn’t mind visiting universities in London on his own (he managed 1/2 last week of possible visits) he didn’t want to do them further afield without me. I can see doing all these visits in autumn causing just as much problems and they need a lot more planning than I was really aware of. I feel that I have let him down by not getting him onto all the visits that he had booked but I wasn’t capable of taking him and he wasn’t exactly enthused.

I do worry that he’s reducing his options to the easiest and not putting enough energy into finding out about courses etc. He’s talking to his head of year next week about exactly what he does next year and whether he looks at A levels over 3 years instead of 2 or lesser qualifications over 2 years. He’s also looking at apprenticeships which might be more suited for him. I have no real idea.

He’s also got a week’s worth of work experience next week and I’m wondering whether he’s going to turn up.

I woke up on Sunday from a weird nightmare involving my ex who was back in our home again. This is my bog-standard nightmare that I get whenever I’m feeling anxious about something major. My neighbour decided to enter my dream world. Keen gardener that she is she built a swimming pool in my back garden overnight and I woke up to sunbeds and strangers whilst freaking out over getting rid of ex2. Brains are just freaky.


I was about to start writing this when I got a phone call asking why I wasn’t at a meeting so I ran down there (well I drove actually) and have just failed to get this written before boys get home from school.

I got a follow up letter from housing benefit which is freaking me out and not as some of the questions are just stupid but they are trying to double check everything. They even want proof of my Premium Bond which I said I didn’t have but it was only for £10. They haven’t asked for my inside leg measurement but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. I think I can answer it all but I opened the letter and my heart just started racing. Anxiety just kicks in as I immediately just feel incredibly vulnerable as if they can kick me out of my home if I don’t supply the necessary information. I hate it. I hate not feeling safe enough to query the letter I got last Friday telling me my rent has gone up even though it shouldn’t have.

I’ve just had another stupid query from school that I need to deal with.

I’ve really had enough of stupid questions and ridiculous scenarios and really wish life could seem straightforward for longer than five minutes at a time.