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Yesterday,

I couldn’t face filling in the further information so I didn’t. I did other stuff instead so was still productive.

I’ve been using alcohol for pain medication several nights, just a couple of pints. Paracetamol doesn’t cut it and I wake up at 5am to take more. I don’t like it but I’m struggling to get anyway near enough sleep. Pillows are arranged at all sorts of angles to try and support my arm in some direction.

Today,

I got up and gathered the next lot of information for housing benefit before breakfast, before my second cup of tea. They wanted proof of my Premium Bond, which is under £50 so I had to register for that online. They queried 2son as I don’t claim child benefit for him so he must be earning a living. I did my best and sent it off, noting they didn’t reply to my query about retaining the data and mentioning the lack of reference to data protection.

I noted at the last moment that this second letter said they were suspending my housing benefit while they assessed the claim so that’s splendid. I suppose that means I’ll be getting a bill demand to pay full rent.

I did all this two hours ago and I’m still shaking with anxiety.

I’m currently sitting in the waiting room to have blood test at my local hospital. Two months after my stress ECG the results are inconclusive but we’re going with an angiogram to find out exactly what’s going on. It’s a month wait rather  than a 3 month wait for a new CT angiogram that is less invasive and less informative so figured we might as well go for this as the result of a longer wait might be that I need an angiogram to be conclusive. She’s ordered lots of blood tests at a cost of £26.99.

I have my therapist thus afternoon and at some point I have to squeeze in some work. I actually want to run away and hide. Plus I’m acutely aware that I haven’t been for a walk since last Thursday’s visit to my HRT hospital for more bloods. I am so aware at this moment that my body is getting older and needs looking after. I feel ancient and my list of meds is just getting longer.

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