I have weighty matters coming up next week: my benefits meeting, for which I want to do some more planning, and, more importantly, 2son’s case goes to panel for a funding decision. I was relieved yesterday when his second school finally telephoned to say they would be offering him a place but only with the return on alternate weekends. It’s not ideal but he might have to live with it.
My thoughts are already spiralling away into the appeal planning that will no doubt have to go after this meeting, if that is they reach a decision rather than just ask for further information. I can phone up the case officer but I want to plan what I say before I say it otherwise what is the point.
I feel the need to prepare for these types of meetings in an over-detailed type of way. This is my defence mechanism against feeling small and inadequate. If I am armed with the facts and able to present them then I will triumph. It is not my job to have an answer for every question that might be posed. I am not the professional. But winging it with my father tends to reduce me to tears so I learn to over-prepare. It’s one of the reasons I learned to write good letters that set out the facts. I can go over a letter and improve it, keeping any tears or anger out of it. It will reflect the rational rather than the emotional. I find it difficult to advocate for myself and difficult to advocate for 2son because the weight of the importance of decisions about his care is a heavy burden. Plus in his case I always assume the worst, that the wrong decision will be made so I might as well plan for it.
I see these as battles to be won.