Well that was awkward. For the first time I walked away not feeling happy about the day.
The presentations were fine, but not everybody had cottoned on to the fact that the next essay had the same broad topics as the presentation so if you followed the essay criteria the presentation would help inform your essay. The only guidance from the tutor had been to pick a sub topic from these broad topics and cover it, with no reference to criteria or assignment. Only when we got the peer review sheets last week did we realise we had to tick off against the criteria.
However as a group we were feeling quite pleased with ourselves in that we’d all done it, with some not having done a presentation in years, if ever. Some were better than others and more relaxed and some weren’t. But it was all fine. Until the tutor decided to give us a general bollocking for not paying attention to the criteria and telling us we should have had the nous to figure it out. We were all adults. Also she told us that some of us lacked presentation skills, from the ability to do a decent powerpoint to whether we made eye contact with the audience. I did point out that the only reason I used the essay criteria was to save work and do research for both at once to save time, not because I thought that was the essence of it. She also pointed out that our next essay was to do with analysing our session recording so we really ought to read up on both for the sake of being prepared before we do the recording. Although she didn’t put it quite that nicely. That connection was also clearly stated within the handbook.
So we were all seething to greater or lesser degrees when she gave us our first essays back, just to add to our general good mood. Hooray, we didn’t think as over 50% of us, including myself, have to re-do part of it for not fulfilling the sodding criteria or not presenting it quite according to the guidelines. In my case I didn’t put quite enough in for one part of the criteria but I have to redo a second part because I didn’t understand how to use this journal within the essay. I referred to it as a separate identity (like a book or other resource) which I shouldn’t have done although I can use it separately for my portfolio of evidence later (how I now have no clue). But for the essay I should just include thoughts from my journal without reference or citation, as if it was a thought like any other within the essay. That wasn’t clear and those few I mentioned it to said they would have done the same. So I have two weeks to redo, amend, update two parts of my essay before it can be passed.
I don’t honestly want to have to look at it again but want to get on with the next one which is due after half term. But now I have to go back over it.
So we spent the hour of PD having a moan about it for 45 minutes. We talked about the lack of course information that wasn’t in the handbook. I had asked the previous week what we were to be doing at our residential weekend and the tutor refused to answer. We didn’t know what the point of the whole presentation exercise which had taken up 2 days out of our 30 actually was and the day just felt a bit shit.
I hadn’t realised quite how bad it had made me feel until the next day, when I really didn’t feel like doing anything constructive and just wanted to mope. I’m not used to my work being rejected and the way the feedback was handled made me feel inadequate. I was so glad I wasn’t the only one but still felt incompetent. It tapped into school reports and feelings of inadequacy and all that jazz. I can recognise all that but it still honestly doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, especially when I’ve got so much other shit on. I wanted to get some more general reading done before getting serious on the next essay and that’s not going to happen. It is what it is.