I’ve had a good Christmas. We’ve had a good Christmas. I didn’t cook and 1son managed fine. No dramas. But I went to bed at 8 o’clock and I resented it.
One thing I have become really aware of this term is that the added pressure of this course has affected my sleep. I am struggling to switch my brain off in order to go to sleep and I struggle to get any solid sleep. Come 2 in the afternoon and I’m either having a snooze or struggling to stay awake. This is not functional and I’m sick of it.
I did have down to go visit the doctor before Christmas but I haven’t quite made it. I have tried Calm‘s sleep stories and they may help me go to sleep, although I’m not quite sure, but they don’t help me stay asleep.
It’s not just the sleep either. Since I’ve started the course this year I have been aware of feeling under greater pressure from the course and an increased inability to focus for very long as I am so aware of all the things I must do and I ought to get on with. Over the last year meditation has helped me to work with this better but it seems that I’ve gone back a stage. This is also stopping me from going back to sleep once I have woken up as I go straight to contemplating the day’s tasks.
This also means that I have lost the ability to focus for pleasure as I’m thinking that I need to get on. So I cannot distract myself in a book. I cannot actually live like this. I am scaring myself with how big this feels at the moment. The sensible thing to do for this is to:
- go to the doctor’s and ask for referral to sleep clinic or whatever is available;
- practice longer meditations; ten minutes is not enough to counteract the pressure.
Simple really, now all I have to do is get on with it.