I’m not sure why but it’s undoubtedly there. Just a little bit. I can feel it and today I have been really unable to settle to anything. I’ve been struggling to do anything in this heat and I’ve been feeling guilty about not doing stuff I ought to be doing but that is nothing new. Maybe the fact that the world cup, which provided a great distraction from reality is over means that I’m aware that I’ve got a gap that requires me to fill it.
It’s as if I cannot relax when I have a bit more free time but need to find the stuff to fill it. I am programmed to want to be busy, even if it’s not necessary. If I’m not busy then I’m not doing, and that makes me think I’m not doing enough. I don’t need to tell myself how ridiculous that sounds. I am keeping on top of what I need to (well, mostly). I’m doing bits of tidying up and pottering about. No I haven’t had any fun days out but I don’t have to. Please could I just be content with how it is?