I started writing this blog in December 2010, when I was suffering post-Christmas miseries.
I’ve always found it difficult to admit I’ve had really crap parents and am entitled to find life a problem, but I do. The fact that I wasn’t physically abused or left starving doesn’t really deny me the right to wish I’d had a better childhood. I’ve been in counselling for 4 years now and this blog is really to help me get my head together. I refuse to call myself depressed, and don’t think I am, although I’ve certainly had my moments.
I’m single, 40-something, overweight, mother, lacking in confidence and struggling to keep my head above water. The two fathers of my sons were domineering, controlling, emotionally inadequate and somewhat like my father so I didn’t get a chance to throw off the bad habits I was brought up with. I work part time from home and am a bit of a twitter addict, although mostly on my “real” account linked to the public me, although I am using this one more and more. I’m also trying to learn to live the principles of Intuitive Eating, or Health at Every Size but am struggling to spend the time thinking about it.
I have four sons, imaginatively called 1son, 2son, 3son and 4son for the purpose of this blog and speak frankly about them in the expectation that I remain anonymous. 2son refused to go to school after having started secondary school and we’re still fighting that battle.
It’s on this anonymous basis that I am so open here and say things I couldn’t really say out loud. It’s not my friends I’m worried about but I really don’t want work colleagues or acquaintances knowing my inner fears. I feel that it’s a bit of a cop out, but I don’t see any other way round it. So please call me Catriona; it’s the name I would have given a girl had I had one.
I have two older sisters, 1sis and 2sis who are 11 and 8 years respectively older than myself. Other members of the cast of my life are BFF1 and 2, or Best Friends Forever, slightly tongue in cheek name, but still meant.
I have written some autobiographical posts which provide some narrative:
I can be contacted at fightingforsanity2010 @ gmail.com