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There is a sense of relief at having finished our first proper full day and having started an interesting PD group that is going to be so much better than last year’s.
It was more intense a learning period but we all got through it and I felt a bit closer to people I didn’t know. There was that feeling of getting to know those on my side of the room but not the other side. We are all fumbling around starting connections but also remembering the close knit group that we ended with last year so there is an anticipation and anxiety to get back there even if it’s not a return.
We talked about the need to develop a personal philosophy of counselling and how that ties in with who we are. There will be an essay, at the end of all this. I actually mentioned, to my surprise, a growing awareness of the parallels between PCA (person-centred approach) and pure maths, in that both are about stripping away the extras and reducing a system down to the core beliefs. Rogers’ 19 propositions are basically people axioms, reducing how we become/develop as a person down to the absolute fundamental way in which we learn about ourselves from our perception of reality and how that can be distorted.
My personal philosophy is also about the connection between the trio of humanism (as a life philosophy), mindfulness (as a personal way of being and developing) and the person-centred approach. When you throw in my attitudes to parenting it becomes all about empowering the individual to be autonomous: teach and support them in learning how to make their own decisions, whether it’s in education, who they are or where they are going. It all comes down to enabling a person to be independent in their identity, actions and thoughts. This is a topic I am going to have to come back to, again and again to reflect and make it deeper.
Triads were interesting, with C from last year and E, new to us both. I ended up not listening, but observing and speaking. I talked about my core vulnerability when faced with application forms and job searches and the need for specialised PTSD work. I need to think again about that. I started to look but PTSD is all aimed at those suffering from combat stress so how to find someone who will get me over what I really hope is the last hurdle. But if this is where all roads lead then that is where I need to go.
PD (personal development group) was wonderful, although I did think at one stage that we might just talk about our experiences of PD last year and what had been good or bad about it. A small group to start off with and several of us had a five minute talk on what was on our mind. There was good give and take and more equality of voices. The facilitator was brilliant compared to last year’s, letting us talk on and just occasionally nudging. It felt more like a proper encounter group. It was really encouraging and I walked away feeling a lot more enthused about the whole thing.
It does all feel that we’ve levelled up and that all the work is going to be more intense and more serious right from the get go. The background anxiety of can I complete this properly and tick all the boxes and learn, and and and… will be there for the next two years, fading in and out of the background depending on what’s going on. I’m already recognising over the last few weeks that my mind has been less calm and I’ve found it harder to do my meditation